January 23, 2019
A surprise pregnancy, heart ache, and a lot of grace for my new role as a mother inspired me to get real with myself and my photography.
Motherhood changed me in may ways. First, it kicked my ass. Then, it awoke someone in me I didn’t know existed. I’m still getting to know this new version me but I like her a lot now but transitioning into this was very difficult.
Parenthood is raw, hard, amazing, loving, life changing, and full of a lot of emotions. All of it is important to capture that for the families that come to me. I strive for connection over perfection and while doing that the most incredible version of you is photographed! I am passionate about newborn lifestyle photography because it captures each families uniqueness, nothing stiff or pre meditated. It’s real and that is what is so incredible!
Parenthood was a hood I avoided for a long time. I was scared I wouldn’t be good at it and I knew that I was selfish and honestly, I really enjoyed it a lot. I think you should be selfish while you can and I feel that it was a great time in my life where I was just able to be, I loved it. My husband, Jack (our yellow lab/sharpei), and I were pretty much going on some kind of little adventure all the time! It was incredible and one of the funnest times in my life.
So, as you can imagine we were a little taken back by the news of being pregnant. First lesson, when you are on birth control-you must use as directed! 😉 I cried because I was happy and petrified. I knew we eventually wanted kids but we were not planning on it at that time. However, it was the best thing that ever happened to us…keep reading.
It was like a dark cloud or something gross wrapping around my body suffocating it as we were packing up getting ready to leave the hospital. I was looking at my son in the car seat as the nurse was helping us and I just wanted to scream, “I can’t do it!! Don’t let me take him home!” I didn’t know it had a name but that feeling was the beginning of post pardum depression. My son was also colicky and if you had a baby like that, let’s just give each other a virtual high-five that we made it through it! IT WAS SO HARD! I felt like he just screamed for months.
I didn’t know PPD happened often and I sure didn’t feel like anyone was talking about or felt like they could. I yearned to hear other moms say that they had felt the way I did and it got better. I realized why mothers don’t talk about it-people would think you are nuts or brush it off to a little bout of the baby blues. I didn’t know if I loved my son-I did. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to be a mom-I am. I didn’t know if we would ever, ever sleep again-we do.
I had my second one this last December, right before Christmas when we were so excited and planning on surprising all of our family. Instead, we were sharing that we lost it. Thankfully, we have a strong faith, support, and believe this happened for a reason. I pray daily to help me through the days of motherhood and I prayed that when the time is right, if we are meant to have another child, we will. In the meantime, we are so in love with our 2 year old and I am so incredibly thankful we had those precious moments with him photographed when he was a newborn, even more now as we aren’t sure we will have more. I also cannot believe how quickly that time passed-he was only little once and he is only these moments once-they are important to cherish and we do.
Parenthood, especially motherhood is so incredibly raw, that is what I love about photographing it. My approach to newborn lifestyle sessions is to let it be real and authentic because even though it can be hard it is also so very beautiful. The time with your new baby is fleeting and it’s important to be able to have the memories, including the tough ones, in photographs.
I do, I want to know the details of your birth story if you want to share it with me or just need it to be quiet I want that for you too. Do you need me to grab you a coffee on the way to your newborn session? I can do that. (coffee is my love language, what’s yours?) I am here for you in more ways than just your photographs. I want your newborn session to be real and I strive for connection over perfection in your session-so just let me do the work for you and enjoy your baby. That time will be gone so fast and you’ll be looking at your photographs with love.